Superman

I’m falling now. The air is rushing around me, and it’s roaring in my ears like the wind is howling at me to recover quickly, but I know I cannot. It frightens me to no end as I can watch the ground rapidly approaching me.

How much longer do I have? I have no clue as the panic completely tramples any straight thought I might have.

But this is different, somehow, than my typical dreams. Instead of seeing this through my eyes, thinking that it is someone else. I see this through his eyes, Superman’s eyes… my eyes. I am not completely sure, but I am convinced, as much as one can be convinced of this sort of stuff, that I am supposed to be Superman, and he is to be me. One person.

Crazy? Possibly, but then how do you explain this sudden ability to run faster than you could possibly imagine? There is a definite link between us, and I must prevent this sudden powerless being from dying, for fear that I might die.

Is this even rational thought? No clue, but my gut is telling me to hurry in terror that something bad could happen if I don’t.

I guess though that I have no ground to question my own sanity when there are currently two Perry White’s in Metropolis, and the one I thought was my friend and bartender, I thought was some imp called Mr. Mxyzptlyk, then all of a sudden I am holding Perry White from the front of his shirt!

Just what the hell is going on?

I would like to find out, and I am certain that the other ‘Perry’ knows all of the answers.

Wait, there he is now, and he’s making no attempt to stop himself. Does he want to die? I stop running now. Why? Because I am no longer on the ground. I am flying.

You know what terrifies me the most about this whole scenario… This isn’t a dream this time.

Superman was falling gracelessly, his red cape wrapped uncomfortably around his face as he plummeted. His screams squealed from his lungs, muffled by the cape. He was still screaming well after he was saved inches from impact by a man moving faster than a speeding bullet.

Clark Kent swerved upward alongside the building holding Superman in his arms. He worked on unraveling the cape from Superman’s face as they ascended. As Clark exposed Superman’s head, the formerly mighty hero’s pupils were dilated with anxiety, the veins in his forehead throbbing in panic. Clark frowned as he realized that his recent surge of confidence and the emergence of his superhuman powers was in fact a direct result of Superman’s decline in both power and personality.

“Don’t worry, Superman,” Clark said as he landed upon the roof of the Daily Planet. He laid the man on the rooftop as Superman looked up at him in hopelessness. “I’ll find out what’s happening and stop it.”

Superman attempted to speak but could only stutter. He tried to rise to his feet but could not find his balance. He tried to think straight but could only wallow in his growing deconstruction. Clark bowed his head in silence and pity as he leapt into the air in flight. Spiraling in a figure eight formation, Clark Kent entered the Daily Planet window from which Superman had been thrown.

Gaining his footing on solid ground once again, Clark investigated the scene. Outside the janitor’s closet, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Things were generally as they usually were as he looked and listened, tuning his augmented hearing into anything that may have been out of the ordinary. As he stepped out of the doorway, he was hit in the face with a shovel.

The shovel caved in around Clark’s face under the impact, forming a face shaped indention. Clark’s glasses did not survive the attack. As Clark pulled the shovel from his face, he was surprised when he identified the assailant.

“Jimmy?” Clark asked. “What are you doing?”

Jimmy Olsen laughed as he pulled another shovel out of his shovel quiver that hung around his back. “Not Jimmy,” Jimmy said. “Gravedigger Lad at your service!”

Without further word, Jimmy swung another shovel at his former friend. Clark caught it effortlessly before he had even realized the shovel was coming at him. He snapped the handle into splinters and dropped it to the ground. Jimmy grabbed yet another shovel from his quiver and repeated the same maneuver with similar results. Clark then realized that not only were things very out of the ordinary, things were getting ridiculous.

The last thing Clark needed now was to be further annoyed by the repeated shovel attacks. As Jimmy pounded his eighth shovel into Clark’s head, Clark grabbed it and banged it into Jimmy’s head softly. The clang echoed throughout the office as Jimmy slumped to the ground in unconsciousness. Clark checked to make sure Jimmy was relatively unharmed, and once it was ascertained that he was only unconscious, he saw Perry White.

Clark stood up swiftly. He frowned as Perry puffed on his cigar, blowing smoke rings.

“This is a no smoking environment, ‘Perry,’” Clark announced as he came at Perry. As he took a step forward, his feet were bound to the floor by the amorphous shape of the floor itself. Try as he might, Clark could not free himself. Yanking on his legs with his new strength, Clark attempted to free himself until his legs began to ache under the formidable force that he applied to them. Reluctantly, he gave in and stopped struggling.

“I applaud your intelligence in working to figure out what is going on, Clark Kent,” ‘Perry’ said as he walked to Clark’s side. “But you don’t have it all figured out. You’re missing the big stuff, the stuff that stays hidden until the end, where it all comes together and you sit in awe after discovering the truth behind this strange, strange mystery.”

“There’s no mystery here,” Clark replied in an uncommonly stern tone. “You’re already finished, Mxyzptlk.”

Perry White’s eyes narrowed in anger at the mere mention of the word as Clark said it. Perry’s body was surrounded by a red glow as his feet left the ground and his body hovered into the air.

“Don’t speak that name!” Perry White screamed in fury. “Never speak that name!”

Clark was surprised. He had automatically assumed that he was facing Mister Mxyzptlk, the fifth dimensional imp that came to Earth every ninety days to wreak havoc on the citizens of Metropolis in a constant attempt to annoy Superman. Now that his assumption was proving to be incorrect, Clark’s mind raced with possibilities.

“You’ve offended my ears, Clark Kent,” Perry yelled as he hovered inches in front of Clark’s face. “Now you will pay for it.”

Perry floated in midair, not moving to assault Clark in any way. After several moments of uncomfortable silence, Clark began to wonder in what ways he was going to pay.

“Well?” Clark asked, tired of waiting. Despite being told not to say Mxyzptlk’s name and momentarily believing that Perry was not Mxyzptlk, Clark was all too familiar with the imp’s modus operandi. “How am I going to pay, Mxyzptlk?”

Perry hollered in anger. “I told you once not to say that name! Now you’ll definitely pay!”

Clark rolled his eyes. “I’m quickly losing my patience with you, Imp. Either try to collect my payment or say your ridiculous name backwards and go back to the fifth dimension. I’m tired of this game.”

“I am not who you think I am, Kent,” Perry explained, still quite angry. “And to prove it…Kltpzyxm.”

When an imp says his name backwards, it always sends him back to his home dimension. It was a constant and unbreakable rule. This was not Mister Mxyzptlk.

“Now you’re going to pay,” he continued, becoming repetitive in his threats. Behind Clark, the doors burst open. Clark swung his head around to see a mob of Daily Planet employees rushing in, armed with baseball bats and pitchforks. Their eyes glowed red as they advanced at Clark, who was still immobile. Clark remembered how these people had only yesterday constantly ridiculed him on a regular basis, talking about him behind his back, making fun of him for their own enjoyment. As they charged at him, he knew that they were just ordinary people under the control of a malevolent force. And he was so much more.

“Let these people go. Your quarrel is with me, Imp!” Clark yelled to Perry as he blocked as many of the pick axes since he wasn’t sure how invulnerable he was to sharp pointy objects.

Perry shook his head, floating away from Clark. “Clark! You just don’t get it do you? This isn’t about you, and it isn’t about Superman,” then Perry looked at the reporter. “Which is much the same, I’d imagine.”

Clark ignored the wooden bat that busted into splinters on the back of his head, and he grabbed the metal head of a pickaxe and squeezed it like tin foil. Looking at another axe angrily, Clark didn’t notice it began to melt until the assailant dropped the axe to the floor. “What kind of a sick game is this?” he demanded an explanation. “You’re killing Superman, controlling the minds of my friends, and have given me powers I shouldn’t have! Why do this if we’re not important?”

“You know, I thought you were so close to figuring it all out, but then you take a step backwards!” Perry threw his cigar at Clark. “This may not be about you, but I never said you weren’t important to the cause. You, my friend, are a means to humiliate a thorn that’s been stuck in my side for centuries,” Perry hovered back to Clark, and the maniacal crowd parted and backed away from him. “If I can kill you then I win, and I succeed in doing something nobody has done before.” Perry giggled, which sounded odd coming from him.

Clark reached out with his hands, but before he could grab Perry White, the floor shot tentacles out and snaked around his wrists.

“Ah Ah, Kent, keep your cool. It’s not you I am going to kill, but a part of you. The stronger part, the more recognizable part.” ‘Perry’ explained.

Clark struggled to snap the tentacles, but like the leg restraints he was impressed with there strength. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t you get it yet Clark? You Are Superman!” Perry snapped, obviously agitated. “Your personality was too strong to defeat together, so I split you into two men and decided to kill Superman since he would have been the challenge,” Perry was quiet for a few seconds before tapping Clark twice in the forehead as he spoke next. “But, I misjudged you. Clark Kent was the bigger challenge.”

Then Perry backed away. “Either way, in mere moments, Kal-El will die and so shall everything you gained from him. You will become the pathetic human you once were, and I will win.” A wide smile formed on his lips. “Don’t you feel the urge to kneel in awe before me?”

In response, the floor that held Clark shifted, and pushed him down violently to his knees that cracked the tile floor upon impact. Now everything was making better sense to Clark, who didn’t understand how he knew everything about Mister Mxyzptlk. If he and Superman were the same person, they he would have to find a way to rejoin his other half. That was the only way Clark could see saving himself.

“Is Lois really dead?” Clark asked, gaining new memories as he realized what ‘Perry’ had told was true. The link between myself must be growing stronger. That means Superman is just dying quicker. There has to be something I can do!

Perry hovered away from Clark, slowly shrinking down to two foot six inches. It was clear to Clark that he was definitely dealing with another Imp. “Answer me!” Clark screamed, his rage was clear.

The imp waved his hand in dismissal. “Don’t worry about your lady friend. I’m sure she’s alive in some other dimension.”

“Stop,” a weak voice commanded from behind Clark. Superman stumbled out of the closet, using the wall to prop himself up. “You… You can’t do this.”

The imp laughed. “Try and stop me big blue, because your time is almost up.”

Clark dropped to the floor as a blast of heat vision sizzled above him. The Imp was laughing so hard that he didn’t see it coming until he opened his eyes a fraction of a second before it hit him. “Oh, this feels good,” the miniature Perry White said as he bathed in the fire until it ended seconds later. “What’s the matter, not feeling well?” asked the Imp.

Superman fell to one knee, and the mob that attacked Clark now turned their attention to the Kryptonian. A lady raised a bat over her head ready to bash it over Kal-El’s skull, but a hand grabbed her wrist and stopped the motion.

Clark pulled the bat from the lady’s grasp, and stepped in front of Superman. “Nobody is going to harm him.” Kent decreed as he sucked in a lung full of air, and blew the crowd over and away from them.

The mini Perry stayed in his spot in the air, dodging the bodies that rolled past him. “Uh-Uh, you’re cheating, Clarky!” ‘Perry’ waved his small hand, and the floor beneath Clark’s feet became blacker than the void, and it began to suck Clark in.

Kent tried to pull away from the force with his flying powers, but it was nearly too much to overcome. He was pulled up to his waist, still fighting the pull, but it continued to slowly drag him in until he was up to his chest. An arm reached out and grabbed Clark’s outstretched hand, and Superman pulled with every little bit of strength he had left to save Clark.

The Imp laughed loud over the sucking sound his artificial black hole made. “Nobody’s left to save you now! I WIN!!”

From behind ‘Perry’ a completely unexpected voice dared to challenge his claim to victory. “I wouldn’t go that far brother.”

‘Perry’ turned in the air, and came face to face with Mister Mxyzpltk!

‘Perry’s’ eyes boggled at the sight, as shocked as the rest of his body. All of his hard work and his devious plan had gotten him so close. Now it was all in jeopardy with the introduction of the second imp. Mxyzptlk stood upright in the air, arms akimbo as he faced the evil imp. His expression was unusual for him, an expression of clear and utter disdain.

“YOU?!?!” ‘Perry’ squealed. Aghast, he found nothing else to say but to repeat himself. “YOU?!?!”

“Yeah, me!” Mxyzptlk yelled as he kicked his brother in the face. “All these years you try and try but you know you can’t take out Mister Mxyzptlk! Your stupid feud that tore our family to shreds just ain’t funny anymore. And when something ain’t funny anymore, it’s gotta stop!”

Mxyzptlk assaulted ‘Perry’ feverishly as ‘Perry’ reverted back into his true fifth-dimensional form. His familial relation to Mxyzptlk was evident; he looked quite similar to his brother but was completely bald and sported a black handlebar moustache. The epitome of an evil twin.

“NO!” the evil imp screamed. “I will have my revenge upon you by destroying your precious Earth toys! You can’t stop me now!”

He pointed to Superman and Clark as Superman pulled with all of his might to free Clark from the physically impossible black hole. Superman was pallid and weak while Clark was slowly losing his grip. Clark’s head sank into the floor as Superman maintained a fragile hold upon three of his extended fingers. As one more finger slipped from Superman’s grip, Clark seemed all but lost. Another finger slipped loose. Superman clung to Clark’s ring finger as it pulled away from him; as he did so, he noticed the brilliant golden ring upon Clark’s finger.

Superman smiled as his hands were joined by a female’s hand as it gripped Clark’s fingers. Lois Lane added her efforts to save Clark, the addition of her confirmed survival giving Superman enough strength to pull Clark to safety easily. As the black hole closed harmlessly and Clark rose to his feet, he and Superman alike looked at Lois with insurmountable love.

The evil imp yodeled in fear as he watched Superman and Clark Kent rise from unavoidable doom unharmed. The two massive Kryptonian men stared down at the diminutive imp as he pondered his escape.

His eyes like puppy dog’s, the evil imp begged for mercy, unable to cope with two full powered Supermen and their wife in addition to his fifth-dimensional brother. Falling to his knees, the imp surrendered.

“I give up,” he said. “I’m prepared to go now.” He looked to his brother, Mxyzptlk, as he asked to go home. Mxyzptlk frowned down at him.

“You know what to do,” Mxyzptlk demanded. “Say my name and you go back. Just like when I say yours, I go back.”

Kltpzyxm bowed his head in disappointment. He began to speak. “Mxyzpt…” but was cut off by the heavy clang of the sound of an impacting shovel upon the top of his head.

Perry White stood over the unconscious Kltpzyxm, shovel in hand. “Little punk!” he said as he smiled with gratification. He tossed the shovel to the side and joined his friends.

“Guess that takes care of everything, right?” Perry asked the others. Lois eyed Superman and Clark, noting that they were still separate entities. “Damn little guy made a fool out of me. A shovel to the head’s the least I coulda done.”

“Yup, that’s all. That’s a wrap! Thanks to the timely arrival of Mister Mxyzptlk, the Imp with the Plan! King of all crazy kooks!” Mxyzptlk bragged. “No more here to do but say my farewells and skeedaddle my way home.” He lifted the body of his brother and started to disappear.

“Hold on a minute there,” Clark said in protest. “You’re forgetting something here.” He pointed at himself and then to Superman, indicating that all was not right.

“Ah yes,” the imp said in epiphany. “Mr. White, if you’ll please follow me…” He led Perry into the editor-in-chief’s office and shut the door behind them. Superman, Clark and Lois watched as a brilliant red flash of light emitted from the room and disappeared as quickly as it flashed. Seconds later, Mxyzptlk exited the room and pulled off a pair of expensive sunglasses with a smile.

“MIB. Too cool,” the imp grinned, “I’ve been waiting all year to do that,” suggesting that he used a memory loss light flashy-thing to erase Perry White’s memory of the events.

“Anyway, hasta luego!” Mxyzptlk hollered as he picked up his brother again.

“No wait,” Superman said. “I don’t belong here. Clark is Superman, not me.”

The imp stopped again, smiling. “You silly goose. You’re as much superman as he is, plus, you’re dressed like him. If there’s one thing I learned over the brief period of time I spent with Lois Lane while imprisoned in my brother’s 14-dimensional prison, it’s that Clark Kent is Superman and Superman is Clark Kent. The man makes the super and the super makes the man. But when it all comes down to it, the woman makes them both.”

“How incredibly insightful of you,” Lois said, having found a good side to the imp throughout their time together. “I wouldn’t have expected something so deep from a three foot tall doofus.”

“Hey, baby,” the imp laughed. “I’m deep! I’ve got five dimensions!”

With a wink and a smile, Mxyzptlk said his name backwards. “Kltpzyxm!” He and his brother both dissipated into their home dimension. Superman was instantaneously reincorporated into Clark Kent as the two became one. As the chaotic damage that had been done to the surroundings as a result of the conflict reverted to normal, Clark and Lois were left alone, surrounded by the confused employees of the Daily Planet.

Smiling, Clark looked at his wife. “So you’re been spending a lot of time with another man?” he asked facetiously.

“Well, the little guys can fit where the big guys can’t,” Lois joked. Lois and Clark embraced, surviving yet another ridiculous encounter with the obnoxious fifth dimensional imps. Everything always seemed to come out better whenever Mxyzptlk came to town.

Clark wondered whether or not that Mxyzptlk always brought Superman closer to his wife whenever he spread his chaos. Maybe the old imp had an overall scheme and a heart of gold. Even though it’s always confusing, it always ends happily, and isn’t that what everybody ever needs?

Reflecting on the events of the last few days as the memories faded to that of a hazy dream, Perry White’s voice erupted from his office.

“Kent!” he yelled. “You’ve got some explaining to do!” Strolling into the office to see what Perry was yelling about, Clark and Lois saw Perry White dressed in the little orange and purple imp suit that Mxyzptlk traditionally wore. One last laugh administered by the king of crazy pranks.

The End...

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